Apologizing isn't always the easiest thing to do, especially when there are huge emotional stakes. In a serious relationship, each partner wants to be able to count on the other for anything. Your partner wants you to be supportive, to be true to your word, and to always have his or her best interests at heart. Whenever you lapse in one of these responsibilities, an apology is essential, even if you didn't mean to do anything wrong. Let's look a little more closely at this apology thing-why it's important, and how to do it.
1. Reluctance: In many circumstances, you may find that you're reluctant to give an apology. Maybe you did something wrong, but it was an accident. Or maybe both you and your partner did things that were wrong, and you are reluctant to give an apology until you get yours first. This is very common.
One of the things that makes people reluctant to apologize is the perception that one has to humble oneself in order to apologize. But this is not the case. When you apologize to your boyfriend and girlfriend, you're not apologizing for who you are. On the contrary, your apology should specifically address the thing or things you did to hurt the other person. That's all. Think back on the specific words or actions that sparked the trouble, and apologize for those.
2. Be clear about what you did: When you apologize to someone, it's important to let them know that you are aware of exactly what you did and why it was wrong. Often, this is all that's needed for the other person to forgive you. He or she just wants you to recognize that a wrong was committed, and that it shouldn't happen again. And even if you don't fully agree with the feeling that what you did was wrong, it's obvious that your boyfriend or girlfriend was hurt by it, so try to meet them halfway.
3. Express your eagerness to do better: In relationships, we're always telling our partner that we're going to stop doing something, or that we're going to be better about a certain thing. And most of the time, we don't get better right away. This is simply because it's hard to change, and it takes time.
But even if you realistically think that this is going to be the last time you apologize for this thing, this shouldn't stop you from saying that it won't happen again. It's not about telling the absolute truth so much as it is about expressing your desire to be better. So don't be wishy-washy. You may mess up again, but that doesn't mean you want to.
4. Apologize first: Every relationship has situations where both partners owe the other an apology at the same time. In one of these situations, don't be too proud to be the first one to apologize. It will make you feel better, and it will probably turn out to be the first step on the way to a happy reconciliation.
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